Chapter Twenty - TRIADs and Mentoring

Chapter Twenty -
TRIADs and Mentoring

As an individual, one of the great uses that one may put a TRIAD to is to mentor or to be mentored. Do you have some skill you wish to learn or some goal you wish to achieve? Find another person with a similar objective and then the two of you approach an individual who can help you achieve that goal. Mentoring is more than coaching because a mentor is someone established in the field in which you are wishing to progress. They have contacts to which it is possible for them to introduce you. They have been through the 'hoops' and can point out a path and warn against pitfalls. In this way they can be a guide and protector. A mentor is also a coach in that they can objectively evaluate your status, progress and prospects. They can determine deficiencies and recommend remedies. In a TRIAD situation the mentee has the advantage of another mentee to buffer with the mentor so that the mentorship does not tend to become oppressive, in which case it usually falls apart. Conversely, in a TRIAD the mentor has the advantage that the mentee will receive what will hopefully be objective feedback and encouragement from the second mentee. For mentees, TRIADs are a boon because, they not only have the support of the second mentee, they can then more objectively evaluate their own experience as well as having it objectively evaluated by the other mentee. It is often easier for two mentees to approach and solicit a mentor because it avoids accusations of favoritism or unhealthy personal relationships. For mentors, TRIADs are a boon because both mentoring and TRIADing are beneficial to us; we learn by teaching and we grow by gifting -- which is mentoring. When we mentor through TRIADing we then have the advantage of objective feedback on our mentoring and can improve our mentoring skills. In the next chapter, where we consider marriage mentoring, there is particular opportunity for the mentor to grow and gain insight into their self. The reason is, that as we mature and look back at our own stages of growth, as reflected in the experiences which are new to those that we are mentoring, we come to understand better what we were at that stage and how that has affected what we have become today. As a note here... the mentor also has the great opportunity to further develop the virtues spoken of, in this case those of negotiation, patience, teaching, empathy, etc. Theoretically, the mentor probably does have a whole different set of goals in mind for his own development than those of the other two in a TRIAD. All of the members of a TRIAD are equal, even in a mentoring situation. While any one of the members may have special skills, they are all socially equal in a relationship. One may work with a mentor as in a voluntary intern situation, but the mentor cannot be their employer with the authority to fire them. This does not mean however that the relationship can't be severed because that is a possible action for all the members of the TRIAD. In the following mentoring TRIAD story the members show exceptional kindness, courtesy and concern toward one another. Flower Power by Meaghan Gray TRIAD Level Rating 6.0 Petunia (A) is a florist; she owns a flower shop where Daisy (B) and Fern (C) are receiving volunteer intern training as Petunia's mentees. The shop is swamped this day with requests for floral arrangements and the three women are struggling to keep up. -------- A-(B.C) Petunia said, "Daisy, please arrange the lilies for the Johnson funeral. Fern, I need you to wait on the customers in the sales area." B-C After working quickly and quietly at their stations for a short while, Daisy approached Fern with an issue, "This is my first funeral arrangement and I'm not sure if I'm doing it properly. I don't want to upset Petunia or get in trouble or lose any clients for the business. Would you look at what I have done so far and make some suggestions?" C-B Fern sensed Daisy's panic and worked quickly to calm her friend and get the work done, "This lady wishes to discuss her bridal arrangement. Since that’s your specialty Daisy, would you like to trade stations for a while?" B-C Daisy said, "Thank you, Fern. We can start the consultation right away. Would you tell Petunia that we are switching?" C-A Fern approached Petunia at her station and said, "A customer came in for a consultation about a bridal arrangement that I thought suited Daisy's strengths. We are going to switch stations for a while. I'll have the Johnson funeral arrangement finished in about fifteen minutes." A-C Petunia said, "That sounds great. Get to work!" A-(B.C) After a successful day, Petunia addressed her mentees, "You two are great problem solvers and you work well together. I appreciate your ability to help me make my business successful, even under the most stressful circumstances. Now that the craziness of the day is done, do you have any questions?" B-C Daisy asked, "Petunia, I had some issues with the lilies for the Johnson funeral which Fern helped me with. Would you show me how to properly compose a funeral arrangement?" A-(C/B)Petunia said, "The Johnson funeral arrangement was beautiful. Fern, will you show Daisy exactly how you arranged the piece. I will interject advice as you work." C-(B.A) Fern agreed, "I'd love the opportunity to help you, Daisy, and learn from you, Petunia."